My first step, my first speech

I am an appalling public speaker. Not only with the public with strangers but also with my friends that known me for years. When eyes are watching me, I get freak out. And by natural force, my voice become softer and softer and softer and cease. I'm so afraid to be heard. The ideas in my mind refuse to come out because I am afraid when people are seriously listening to me. 

To conquer my fear of speaking, I joined the toastmasters club. Yes, I learn to toast bread so I can have my very own Kopitiam.. yummy... No no no no...Toastmasters is where I can learn to improve on my communication and public speaking skills. I went for the club meeting for less than 5 times up till now.  At my fourth attendance, I finally gather my guts to give my very first speech, the ice breaker. It was beginner and easy assignment as I just have to talk about myself. 

My speech title is "Life is like a pack of Skittles". Why Skittles? Because it content colourful and a variety of fruity flavoured candies. When you open up the package and pick your candy, you never know what colour and flavour you're getting. That's my life for you to know. The message at the end of speech was simple, have faith in your dream because you never know when it might turn up. Like a pack of Skittles, enjoy every bites of opportunity in your life. When the door knock, answer it. Dream should not always remain a dream.

All that counts

Listen, right now...

1. If you do not GO after what you want, you'll never have it
2. If you do not ASK, the answer will always be no
3. If you do not MOVE forward, you will always be in the same place.

Also, don't be limited to your own comfort zone, step outside of it and break free. Sometimes you hear voices in your head telling you that you can't but it doesn't have to control you or keep you down.

Oh ya... I made baked egg today. Have you try one before? This my first time cooking baked egg and it was really random. An egg, butter, salt, pepper and some herbs. It didn't taste bad at all.

8 hours in Malacca

One of our random plan, drive down to Malacca to catch a movie (our free tickets only applicable outside of Klang Valley). Where else is better than the historical town. I love the building and culture left off by the Portuguese and the Dutch.

I enjoy my company who don't complain about the heat while walking under the burning sun. Or the sudden rain in the middle of the day. Everything was simply positive and enjoyable :D

My 101 List

If it was not because of a gentle reminder from my dear friend Justo, hailing all the way from Honduras, I would have forgotten about this blog. I miss you buddy!!!

I just started working in the corporate world early this month since my graduation. To be very honest, I feel a huge chunk missing in my life. Feeling deeply empty in my heart. I didn't know what was gone. Every single day, without fail while taking the LRT (or the subway) I keep thinking " what is it, where is it, how should I do about it, why is it so". As I am trying to find answers to all these endless, baseless questions, loneliness and depression are beginning to tap on my shoulder. NO, I can't feel sad for myself. I want to be alive. Listen, I have to shrug depression away because I don't want to leave any space within my heart for it. I afraid that it would eat me up. Before that could happen, I made a list. As I write them down one by one, I begin to feel alive again. Then I realised that what have been missing all these while is FUN. There is no foundation of fun for the past few months, NADA... I was too serious and harsh on myself. Yes, before this I was pressured because I have the impression that I could not meet the expectation the society impose on me. Couldn't find a good job, with a good pay, buy a house, get a car, plan for early retirement and blah blah blah... For now, I don't want to discuss about that kind of list. The list that I want to share here sounds like this:

• Run a marathon
• Read a book in a day
• Do something artsy and crafty every Sunday for 2 months continuously
• Eat 7 things I've never tried before
• Cook 5 things I've never cooked before
• Make a photo book with my favourite pictures
• Make a scrapbook of places I've been before in Europe
• Get a facial appointment
• Try manicure and pedicure
• Go to a live musical show
• Stop talking for 10 minutes while the live band is playing in the bar
• Buy a new mattress
• Visit 5 more countries (0/5)
• Go to New York
• Bake a cake
• Read 10 biographies/ non-fiction books (0/10)
• Plant a rosemary
• Buy a new smartphone
• Compliment at a person a day
• Give at least 10 speeches
• Blog once a week (1/45)
• Make a teddy bear out of felt
• Sing out loud

So far, that is all that I could think of. I will think for more while I have to be committed to ACTUALLY do them.

Nothing...

I hate the feeling when you have no emotions. You are neither happy nor sad. Simply feeling empty inside. You are nothing. When your head is spinning really hard, but you can't feel anything.